Template For Reporting On Steve Jobs

Attention bloggers, newspaper reporters, podcasters, television reporters, and anyone else who wants to issue a report on Steve Jobs. What follows is a handy template to make your job quicker and easier, and to make sure that what you have to say conforms to the industry standard.

Say how obviously you hope for nothing but the best for Steve.
Emphatically explain how this is not a story you are going to dwell on or talk about ever again.
Talk at length about Steve having a life-threatening illness and the impending demise of Apple. Make sure you make up as much information as possible, optionally tagged with, “at least it sure seems that way.”
Repeat daily.