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Well you can’t expect a 19 + year old cat to keep going forever….but it sure does hurt when he leaves. We got Churchill as a kitten and he was always a sweet natured, good, calm, cat.

He was my husband’s cat - they were always together and knew exactly what the other one wanted. It was fun to watch them interact. Church had Phillip trained pretty much the way he wanted him. Even when Phillip got so sick he didn’t even know where he was, he would automatically do what Church wanted. That was usually just to sit on his lap - but first Phillip had to put down his little black hand towel for Church to lay on. If he didn’t put the towel down, Church would stay in his basket right next to Phillip and patiently wait.

They slept together from the start and Phillip would put one ear bud in his ear and lay the other one next to Church. They liked country music a lot. As long as Phillip was in bed, Churchill would be by his side, only getting up to eat and you know what in the littler box.

Several times in the last few years, Churchill came close to giving up but I literally carried him around showing him stuff and putting water on his lips and he would finally find the strength to stay with us longer.

My husband passed last November and I fully expected Churchill to follow him almost immediately. He lost so much weight and I worried constantly about him and would not go off for very long at a time and only then because my grandchildren took good care of him for me while I was gone. Even so, it was hard to go. I guess that is silly but he has been such a part of my life that he was like my child I guess.

Church decided I was OK and let me hold him and pet him a lot, but certainly not as much as Phillip. He required a lot of care and got me up many times during the night but I didn’t care as I knew it would only be for a short time. It wasn’t his fault that he had some problems and I tried to make him as comfortable as possible.

I knew it would not be long till he left me and actually went the week before to make sure I knew exactly where the emergency hospital was and how to get there. Thank goodness I did.

Last Sunday Dave, Barb and Alex ere here and Church seemed normal. After they left, Church got up and just collasped and looked at me and I knew it was time. He just sort of quit and he knew it and I knew it. I took him in to be put to sleep because I did not want him to suffer. He seemed to be just slowly fading but I wanted to be sure. He didn’t deserve to suffer after all this time. I help him while he went to sleep and it was very hard to do but I would never let him go all alone. He looked at me the whole time and I could tell he was ready. That is all we can hope for - to be held by someone that loves us while we leave this earth.

This past May, another cat moved onto my back porch. He seemed so grateful that I wasn’t mean to him. He has many battle scars, half an ear, many bumps, and so on. I don;t know how long he has been outside on his own but he did a wonderful job of taking care of himself. He is such a sweet, gentle cat which is hard to believe after being homeless. He has been a lap cat from the start and I constantly worried about him but I really did not want another cat. But it was still cold at night so I relented and let him stay in my Arizona room to be warm and safe. I know - I have sucker written all over me. Well one of my other rescued cats, a very sassy, bold little black cat we call Poo, decided that no cat should have to be alone in the Arizona room and opened the door to let him inside.

My new cat, Jellybean, sauntered inside and laid down and that was that. No real problems with the others. I never thought I would have 4 cats, but 3 of them are rescued. I have to say that it would be hard for me to come home and stay home without their furry little faces to greet me.

I no longer look in the back yard - I just can’t rescue any more animals….. I just pray that I outlive the ones I have. They are all so different and so lovable and a pleasure to have.

Yesterday was Father’s Day and boy am I lucky to have two sons who are great fathers. They both have such a sense of family and their families are everything to them.

I went to a movie and dinner with my oldest son David and we had quite a crew with us. Of course David 3 and Sasha were there, and Alex - with a new sexy haircut - and a friend of theirs, Chris and his little girl who is not quite 3 years old. Chris calls my son “Dad” and always celebrates this day with him. Chris is kind of an unusual young man - but has a huge heart and is such a loving father. He had to go to court to fight for the right to see his little girl and he WON and he is cherishing every moment. She is still getting her dad trained the way she wants him but is well on her way to getting the job done. She was so well behaved and a delight to sit next too and of course really made me miss my two little grandkids in Kansas City.

We went to see Jonah Hex and Calvin and Ian would probably love this movie.. It is a comic book story - that I never saw - and hopefully never will….. oh well it could have been worse. Just not my kind of movie altho I like lots of shooting and blowing stuff up but I just could not get into this one. But David liked it and it was his choice so that is all that matters. I have said before, I could stare at a blank screen and be happy because my family wants me with them. Fortunately I have not had to stare at any blank screens to prove or disprove this statement…..

I am blessed to have my two sons.

Well…I sure had a wonderful trip to Kansas City visiting my son and his family. This time Gillian came right to me, as if she were used to seeing me every day, and got up on my lap. What a thrill! Neil just amazes me constantly with the thoughts and ideas he has. Calvin is growing up so fast and I am struggling to keep up with him. Ian is a delight, almost grown up and trying to figure out what to do. Not easy to be 18.

We did not do a lot of running around this time I am happy to say but actually sat around just talking and watching the kids be kids. How many times can Gillian get all the books off the shelves of her bookcase!! Her little legs never stop running until she finally just falls over asleep. What a doll.

It was so cold (for me) in Kansas City! 55 degrees there and when I got off the plane in Phoenix it was 99 degrees. Felt good to me! I am used to the hot weather and not used to being cold.

I wish I lived close enough to jump in the car and run over and see them all the time but unfortunately I do not. I tried to interest them in spending the cold winters here when Steven retires but so far…they still love the cold weather. I did too when I was that age but time does make a difference and I hope that before I am gone, they will rethink spending some time here in the warmer climate.

Right now I can travel pretty easily, and I hope to continue to for the next 20 years, but we will see what happens. After all, I am almost 70 and no spring chicken. I am really healthy now so will make as many trips as possible. I want the little ones to be able to know their grandma Ann.

Kansas City is really changing. All the neighborhood landmarks from my youth have just about given in to time and are gone. Today Steven’s dad told me that Westport, our high school is closing. Last time I saw that area it was all so run down that I am not surprised. Happens to all cities, I know, but it is hard to see it happen to your own memories.

Looking forward to going back to Kansas City SOON for another visit.

Well I have been a widow for about 4 months now and the numbness is finally starting to wear off. Losing a spouse is an ordeal for anyone and changes your life so completely that you can’t imagine what it is like and must experience it. My hubby was very ill (even more than I thought) and he died hard so death was a blessing for him and for me. He suffered a great deal and I endured his suffering and neither one is easy. Why do good people have to die so hard? I do not get it.

Some of the neighborhood women that talk to me have lost 2 or 3 husbands. Do they pick people that look sick or what? How do you survive that? Do they make their husbands sick…terrible thought. How does that happen?

I was so busy getting caught up with everything and getting myself settled as a single woman and now I seem to be caught up and really don’t know what to do with myself. I am spending as much time as possible with my sons and their families and that is wonderful. I missed a lot working those 60 hour weeks and caring for a sick husband. I so enjoy my sons. They never cease to amaze me. They are such good, kind, wonderful men. They care so much about their families and include me in many of their activities.

If I had a lot of money I would probably travel to all the places I have always wanted to see. But not much money makes me rethink everything I thought I always wanted to do and place I always wanted to see. For the most part, I am content to see a travel show. Much easier!

So far I am content not doing much and catching up with myself. Seems like you have to do that early 20 year old thing all over again and figure out who you are.

I am still very tired from the last few years of nonstop taking care of a sick person and sometimes my energy level is not what I want. Probably a lot of it is mental fatigue from trying to cope with my new life. Looking back, I don’t know how I did all that I did and I have no regrets that I didn’t do everything I could for him. I do regret that I had to ignore so many other things and my life was truly one dimensional. The life of a caregiver is pretty tiny - just take care of the patient.

Why do we get chosen for these roles? Luck of the draw I guess. Someone has to be strong and everyone always says it is me.

More than ever I know that you must enjoy each and every day and take joy in many small things. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and above all - take care of yourself.