Crooks.net

Well I have been a widow for about 4 months now and the numbness is finally starting to wear off. Losing a spouse is an ordeal for anyone and changes your life so completely that you can’t imagine what it is like and must experience it. My hubby was very ill (even more than I thought) and he died hard so death was a blessing for him and for me. He suffered a great deal and I endured his suffering and neither one is easy. Why do good people have to die so hard? I do not get it.

Some of the neighborhood women that talk to me have lost 2 or 3 husbands. Do they pick people that look sick or what? How do you survive that? Do they make their husbands sick…terrible thought. How does that happen?

I was so busy getting caught up with everything and getting myself settled as a single woman and now I seem to be caught up and really don’t know what to do with myself. I am spending as much time as possible with my sons and their families and that is wonderful. I missed a lot working those 60 hour weeks and caring for a sick husband. I so enjoy my sons. They never cease to amaze me. They are such good, kind, wonderful men. They care so much about their families and include me in many of their activities.

If I had a lot of money I would probably travel to all the places I have always wanted to see. But not much money makes me rethink everything I thought I always wanted to do and place I always wanted to see. For the most part, I am content to see a travel show. Much easier!

So far I am content not doing much and catching up with myself. Seems like you have to do that early 20 year old thing all over again and figure out who you are.

I am still very tired from the last few years of nonstop taking care of a sick person and sometimes my energy level is not what I want. Probably a lot of it is mental fatigue from trying to cope with my new life. Looking back, I don’t know how I did all that I did and I have no regrets that I didn’t do everything I could for him. I do regret that I had to ignore so many other things and my life was truly one dimensional. The life of a caregiver is pretty tiny - just take care of the patient.

Why do we get chosen for these roles? Luck of the draw I guess. Someone has to be strong and everyone always says it is me.

More than ever I know that you must enjoy each and every day and take joy in many small things. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and above all - take care of yourself.